When faced with death the world turns upside down. Views and beliefs are tested and your whole life is basically blown apart from the inside. For some that state of being becomes permanent. They cling to their desperation and misery as if their life depended on it and maybe it does. Perhaps that’s the fire that drives them forward.
I couldn’t stand that state of being for long. Coming to grips with everything was the easy part but then again death isn’t the big scary end to me that it is to most. The hardest part is dealing with those that will be left behind.
I walked out of my marriage with the best of intentions but that doesn’t justify the pain I caused in the process. The plan worked though and I hope she’s found happiness again. It’s odd spending so much time and effort trying to protect those around us from the pain of loss all the while knowing how precious that little time left is.
I’m floating in a paradox this morning but there’s a glimmer of hope shining in. If only I could find a balance between protecting them and giving them the time they want/need.
What a strange place to find oneself. Offering a prayer for the living far more often than for the dying.